got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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