I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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