No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
