I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
