So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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