She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
