maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
