think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
