Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize