Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
