after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
