Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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