I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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