I didn't shave. On purpose
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
