we're blogging at a bar
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
