Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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