Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My bed smells like the plague
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
