Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
