what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This house was built for laser tag.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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