I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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