Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
