I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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