Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
