You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
