fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
