The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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