Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
