True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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