if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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