everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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