I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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