how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
