i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
