I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
