I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
