I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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