i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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