If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
