Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
