It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
