she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize