I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
