I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
