My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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