she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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