hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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