How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
