I am spending my child support on dildos
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
