So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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