My friends, they love my intelligence
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
