i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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