Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
