did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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