i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
