btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
