Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
