i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
