you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
