He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
