In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
