careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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