hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
