but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
