Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
