I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
