It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
