ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the day after is always just damage control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
