I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
