I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
