Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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