you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
