Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
