i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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