The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
