It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
