what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
