Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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