The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
