Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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