im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
