A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
