Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
