I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
