I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
