Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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