so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
