Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
