just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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