she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
