Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
